Shocking: John Mayer Hath Torn Katy Perry's Pez Dispenser Heart Asunder

August 24, 2012, 6:00 am

≫ Next: Internet Chops and Screws Kristen Stewart's Quote About Being "Out Of Control" While Acting

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Sometimes great love stories last for a lifetime, and the time after that, and generations of children to come know and cherish their romance-steeped heritage, and other times "Katy Perry and John Mayer don't seem to be doing whatever it was they were doing anymore," say tabloids. Which was fucking, obviously. A source says the split was amicable: "They'll end up as friends. They were honestly having fun. People made it out to be far more than it was." But another source says that Mayer played a crude round of Operation™ with Perry's feeling-bones: "She's really upset. She is making it seem like it wasn't serious with John, but she is hurt." More »

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Internet Chops and Screws Kristen Stewart's Quote About Being "Out Of Control" While Acting

August 25, 2012, 8:30 am

≫ Next: Prince Harry's Royal Peen Caught on Video!

≪ Previous: Shocking: John Mayer Hath Torn Katy Perry's Pez Dispenser Heart Asunder

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The good news is that we've transitioned into the Overanalysis of Interviews post-mortem phase of the Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart infidelity drama (alias Sparklegate), which means we are one step closer to hearing nothing more about it, ever again. The bad news is that a moment in K-Stew's pre-cheating scandal interview with U.K. magazine Little White Lies has brought out the dimestore psychologist that is the Internet, although she's discussing her acting process, not her personal life. You remember, right? Acting? That thing she does? More »

Prince Harry's Royal Peen Caught on Video!

August 28, 2012, 6:00 am

≫ Next: Rihanna Goes Out Partying For A Change, Smashes Glass Table

≪ Previous: Internet Chops and Screws Kristen Stewart's Quote About Being "Out Of Control" While Acting

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The rumblings around the castle are ominous this week: the now-infamous Prince Harry Naked Bear Hug-Gate photos are only the tip of the iceberg, say Vegas sources, and the royal media will soon have to contend with "something pretty gigantic" (LOLOLOL pun). It appears that there's actually video of the Prince partying naked with women—who are now said to have been "randomly recruited"—in the Wynn Hotel and Casino, currently being quietly shopped around for a small fortune. The contents of the video remain ambiguous for now, which means other than the free and easy dangle of the pool-shrunken anatomical wonder We're All Curious About, I'd bet it's probably not all that interesting. More »

Rihanna Goes Out Partying For A Change, Smashes Glass Table

September 1, 2012, 8:30 am

≫ Next: Honey Boo Boo Is Making Forklift Loads of Cash

≪ Previous: Prince Harry's Royal Peen Caught on Video!

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Rihanna, God of Patron Shots and Cigarette Butts and Hangovers and General Chaos, almost got thrown out of a London nightclub after she supposedly jumped on a glass table, fell, smashed it and then started screaming "Don't you know who I am?" when the doorman started kicking her out (which undoubtedly sounds less dick and more charming in a Bajan accent.) "That's Rihanna, you idiots!!!" yelled her girlfriends. Eventually they left at 4 AM for another party, but not before they cavorted on someone else's parked scooter. More »

Honey Boo Boo Is Making Forklift Loads of Cash

September 6, 2012, 6:00 am

≫ Next: Rumor: Katy Perry and Rihanna Are Crotch-Game Playing Lesbians

≪ Previous: Rihanna Goes Out Partying For A Change, Smashes Glass Table

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Because I guess there is nothing better to dispute over, there're has been some dispute over how much TLC is paying Alana Thompson and her family, better known as the force of nature behind the dark American nightmare that is Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. The show scored 3 million viewers in the final week of August and (famously) beat the RNC broadcast. While a report emerged that the family is only paid $2,000 to $4,000 per episode, mom June Shannon laughed out loud when the figure was quoted to her, intimating that they make a shit-ton more money than that. SO DON'T WORRY, GUYS! [THR, TMZ] More »

Rumor: Katy Perry and Rihanna Are Crotch-Game Playing Lesbians

September 12, 2012, 6:00 am

≫ Next: Shockingly, Britney Spears, Elle Cover Model, Is Not That Into Fashion

≪ Previous: Honey Boo Boo Is Making Forklift Loads of Cash

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I woke up this morning to a very enlightening article in my inbox about how Katy Perry and Rihanna continued their "alleged gay affair" at the VMAs. They did? Guys, how could we have missed it? They were so obvious. For instance, they clapped for each other with the back of their hands on the other's thigh whenever she was up for an award. The article refers to this as "crotch games." I refer to it as "Can't women just be affectionate friends and also if they're gay who cares and if they're not who cares who cares WHO CARES I WANT ICE CREAM?" More »

Shockingly, Britney Spears, Elle Cover Model, Is Not That Into Fashion

September 12, 2012, 9:40 am

≫ Next: In Her Ongoing Campaign of Vehicular Recklessness, Amanda Bynes Smoked Pot In Her Car

≪ Previous: Rumor: Katy Perry and Rihanna Are Crotch-Game Playing Lesbians

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Says Britney Spears to Elle in the brand-new October issue: More »

In Her Ongoing Campaign of Vehicular Recklessness, Amanda Bynes Smoked Pot In Her Car

September 13, 2012, 6:00 am

≫ Next: Kate Middleton Got Giggly As She Greeted Topless Islanders

≪ Previous: Shockingly, Britney Spears, Elle Cover Model, Is Not That Into Fashion

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Because we all haven't heard enough about Amanda Bynes' exploits behind the wheel, she apparently drove around aimlessly around Los Angeles for most of Tuesday, cutting people off and running lights, while taking hits of weed from a surreptitious pipe designed to look like a car cigarette lighter. More »

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Kate Middleton Got Giggly As She Greeted Topless Islanders

September 18, 2012, 6:00 am

≫ Next: Dina Lohan Admits She's The Mama Rose To Lindsay's Gypsy Rose Shitfaced

≪ Previous: In Her Ongoing Campaign of Vehicular Recklessness, Amanda Bynes Smoked Pot In Her Car

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Kate Middleton giggled uncontrollably as she and Prince William visited the Solomon Islands and were presented with garlands by topless women from the village of Marau, likely because being presented with boobs are kind of on-the-nose for her right now. The islands were the latest stop on the royals' Diamond Jubilee tour. Click through for the shots of Middleton attempting to tastefully, subtly lose her shit a little bit. However, she appears to have recollected herself in the subsequent shots, in which she greets little kids and rides in a really nice boat (as seen above). More »

Dina Lohan Admits She's The Mama Rose To Lindsay's Gypsy Rose Shitfaced

September 22, 2012, 8:30 am

≫ Next: Guess Which Celebrity Chef Is Already Booked To Make Brangelina's Christmas Dinner?

≪ Previous: Kate Middleton Got Giggly As She Greeted Topless Islanders

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As that Philip Larkin poem goes, "They fuck you up, your mum and dad / They may not mean to, but they do / They lose track of you right around the wrap party for Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen / And then passively watch as you implode your own career." More »

Guess Which Celebrity Chef Is Already Booked To Make Brangelina's Christmas Dinner?

September 26, 2012, 6:00 am

≫ Next: Christina Hendricks Loathes Being Called 'Full-Figured'

≪ Previous: Dina Lohan Admits She's The Mama Rose To Lindsay's Gypsy Rose Shitfaced

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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have hired my mom's pretend (but serious pretend) boyfriend Jamie Oliver to come to their Surrey estate to cook them Christmas dinner. Pitt and Oliver have been buddies since the Jennifer Aniston days. The British chef has tried to give him cooking lessons before, but he's "useless in the kitchen." Aw, it feels adorably correct that no matter how domesticated and fatherly Brad Pitt has become, dude could still burn water. As for Angelina, there is no way that woman is going near a stove except maybe to have brutal leonine sex on top of it. More »

Christina Hendricks Loathes Being Called 'Full-Figured'

October 5, 2012, 6:22 am

≫ Next: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson Are Back On, Spotted Moping Together in LA

≪ Previous: Guess Which Celebrity Chef Is Already Booked To Make Brangelina's Christmas Dinner?

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Christina Hendricks got miffed after being called full-figured by a Sun-Herald interviewer just before the cameras rolled: "I think calling me full-figured is just rude." Hendricks and her representatives have been prickly about discussing her body in the press before (one member of the press was warned "not to ask any questions about her breasts"). More »

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson Are Back On, Spotted Moping Together in LA

October 16, 2012, 6:00 am

≫ Next: Britney Spears Had a Major Meth Problem, Alleges Former Manager, and She Shaved Her Head to Hide the Evidence

≪ Previous: Christina Hendricks Loathes Being Called 'Full-Figured'

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In their first documented outing together since Sandersgate, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were spotted with a big group of friends in Los Feliz at a bar (somewhat hilariously) named Ye Rustic Inn. God, of course those two do the Big Group Hang, just like those 14-year-old Goth kids who stand around the entrance of your local mall all day except for five minutes in Hot Topic and five minutes staring into cold, dead food court lo mein and wondering what the fucking point is, you know? More »

Britney Spears Had a Major Meth Problem, Alleges Former Manager, and She Shaved Her Head to Hide the Evidence

October 18, 2012, 5:55 pm

≫ Next: Shocker: Lindsay Lohan Forgets to Show Up for Work on The Canyons

≪ Previous: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson Are Back On, Spotted Moping Together in LA

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Well, this Sam Lufti vs. Britney Spears defamation trial certainly wasted no time in becoming a hideous bloodbath. Lufti alleges—via his lawyer Joseph Schleimer (ACTUAL LAWYER NAME)—that Spears was an out-of-control methamphetamine and prescription amphetamine addict who resisted his heroic attempts to get her clean. The infamous head-shaving incident, he says, was Spears's attempt to rid herself of her incriminating meth-infused crime-hair in case she was drug-tested. And, Lufti alleges, Spears overdosed on amphetamines the day she was placed in an involuntary psychiatric hold. More »

Shocker: Lindsay Lohan Forgets to Show Up for Work on The Canyons

October 19, 2012, 6:00 am

≫ Next: Rihanna Considering Breast Implants At Chris Brown's Gallant Request

≪ Previous: Britney Spears Had a Major Meth Problem, Alleges Former Manager, and She Shaved Her Head to Hide the Evidence

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Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, Lindsay Lohan's gotta blow off her obligations on the set of every single movie she's worked on for the last five years. In other words, if you play with fire, fire is probably gonna do drugs and drink Red Bull all night and wake up at 4 PM in a bed at the Four Seasons, trying to remember where the shit she was supposed to be at ten AM and oh gross why is this bed sticky? More »

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Rihanna Considering Breast Implants At Chris Brown's Gallant Request

October 20, 2012, 8:30 am

≫ Next: Adele's Newborn Baby Welcomed to World by Hateful Twitter Trolls

≪ Previous: Shocker: Lindsay Lohan Forgets to Show Up for Work on The Canyons

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Chris Brown and Rihanna plan on coming out publicly as a couple again after her upcoming album Unapologetic drops on November 19th, but they're wasting absolutely no time dipping some emotional bread back into the ol' fondue pot of dysfunction. More »

Adele's Newborn Baby Welcomed to World by Hateful Twitter Trolls

October 22, 2012, 6:00 am

≫ Next: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel Make Whopping $300K Off Wedding Photos

≪ Previous: Rihanna Considering Breast Implants At Chris Brown's Gallant Request

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Holy shit. Remember that time you had faith in people? Well, it was unmerited and undeserved, because—like a modern day version of the Rumplestiltskin tale—just hours after Adele popped out her kid, Twitter trolls went after her and the baby for literally no reason. Not that there would ever be a good reason, but you know what I mean. One Twitter user, @PerfFemale, wrote: "Aw Adele gave birth to a baby. Is it fat and handicapped lol? Just murder it already lol." The account was promptly deleted. Meanwhile, a tweet from another user ("Adele was pregnant? I thought she was fat") was retweeted hundreds of times. What the FUCK, humanity. Get your goddamn shit together. I'm tired. [Telegraph] More »

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel Make Whopping $300K Off Wedding Photos

October 23, 2012, 6:00 am

≫ Next: The Kurt and Courtney Musical Will Either Be Awesome or a Total Disaster

≪ Previous: Adele's Newborn Baby Welcomed to World by Hateful Twitter Trolls

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"Magical," "unforgettable" and "fantasy" are just a few of the gushing adjectives used by Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake to describe their hella expensive Italian wedding (soup), even though not everyone was as happy (N*Sync was excluded from the 100-person guest list; they are "are pretty upset about it"). Nevertheless, Bielberlake's got a hard head for business, having just sold their wedding pictures to People for $300,000 and to OK! in Europe for an unspecified price. [Page Six, People] More »

The Kurt and Courtney Musical Will Either Be Awesome or a Total Disaster

October 25, 2012, 6:00 am

≫ Next: Taylor Swift and Conor Kennedy Split, Rain Falls on the Grassy Knoll of Her Heart

≪ Previous: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel Make Whopping $300K Off Wedding Photos

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During the Lufti/Spears trial, Sam Lufti let this slip: "[Courtney Love and I] are currently working on a possible motion picture or Broadway musical based on the Nirvana catalogue, based on her life and Kurt Cobain's." However, because Lufti is skeezier than the stuff that falls between the wall and your bed and lives there forever, we can safely assume this means maybe just Love is currently working on a possible movie or musical based on the Nirvana catalogue. More »

Taylor Swift and Conor Kennedy Split, Rain Falls on the Grassy Knoll of Her Heart

October 26, 2012, 6:00 am

≫ Next: 'I Don't Live My Life Making Fun of People': Justin Timberlake Responds to Homeless-Gate 2012

≪ Previous: The Kurt and Courtney Musical Will Either Be Awesome or a Total Disaster

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Next time you're in a Walgreens or a Duane Reade and you see that bizarre Taylor Swift display with the swag and the CDs and shit, offer your condolences to her 2-dimensional cardboard likeness, for she and Conor Kennedy are no more. Apparently the two "quietly parted ways awhile ago" and "it was a distance thing." Reports abounded throughout their relationship that Swift was only into Kennedy because she was such a Camelot fangirl; there was even a rumor that she made out with his cousin Patrick Schwarzenegger. More »