Britney Spears Quits The X Factor Before They Can Fire Her Ass

Speaking of pictures ripped out of Teen People that you glued on your 5th grade Trapper Keeper (weren't we? we totally were), Britney Spurrz has gotten the jump on her boss Simon Cowell. She's quitting The X-Factor before Cowell and the other assorted Powers that Be can fire her, tired of paying her $15 million to say "amazing" with dead eyes to every contestant as they watch their ratings slowly deflate like an erection in Grandma's house. She apparently wants to focus on cutting another album. "Britney loves Simon, she likes Demi Lovato but her thing is music," says a source. More »